Not The Bad Guy
by daniphantomforlife
Summary: Virgil knew that the other sides and Thomas didn't like him, not really. He couldn't blame them he was the bad guy, the one who kept Thomas from reaching for his dreams. What happens when Virgil can't take the glares and Insults anymore and finally snaps.
1. Chapter 1

**_Summary: Virgil knew that the other sides and Thomas didn't like him, not really. He couldn't blame them he was the bad guy, the one who kept Thomas from reaching for his dreams. What happens when Virgil can't take the glares and Insults anymore and finally snaps._**

 ** _Warning: This story is rated M for mature. It has suicidal thoughts and actions if this bothers and or triggers you then don't read this story and find one that does not have this in it._**

 ** _I am not responsible for anything that may happen if you ignore this warning._**

 ** _Disclaimer: I do not own the characters that are in this story they belong to Thomas Sandler over on youtube go check him out he does vines and what not too._**

 ** _This is set before Accepting Anxiety._**

 ** _I'm still going to be doing my Harry Potter and the Inheritance this is just to help me not to get writers' block from only working on one story._**

 ** _This story is also on my wattpad page under the name of SkyWilson632 and I will be posting my Harry Potter and the Inheritance over there for all of you who like using that site better than this one!._**

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Virgil Couldn't understand what he had done wrong to deserve this, all he had done was accidentally drop a plate on the floor causing it to break, and yes he knew that someone could have got hurt but that didn't mean he deserved to be yelled at by Roman and Logan while Patton cleaned up the glass and just let them.

He was having a hard time keeping his face from showing what he was really feeling, he kept it as blank as he could and since he has had to keep their face blank plenty of times before he got quite good at it.

He didn't want to show them what he was feeling right now since he was almost positive that Roman would make fun of or mock him for what he was feeling right now.

He stayed there getting yelled at for almost five minutes and they weren't even talking about the plate anymore now they were just yelling about everything they didn't like about him.

It was getting harder and harder to just stand there and do nothing but listen to them finally admit what they really felt about him all the while keeping his mask up so as not to show them what their words were causing But then he heard Roman.

"You don't even care about Thomas! He would be better off without a stupid disorder like you dragging him down all the time!"

Virgil immediately started walking to his room after that was said. He could feel the panic attack coming on and didn't want to be around the other sides when it happened. It was taking all of his willpower to both hold his panic back until he was safely in his room, keep walking and keeping his face blank throughout all of this.

"Where are you going?" Shit! That was Logan he had to answer him or else he would follow Virgil to his room and Virgil didn't want to run the chance of him hearing him having a panic attack.

" I'm going to my room I can tell when I'm not welcome." Virgil was a little surprised at how steady his voice came out considering he was on the verge of an Attack at the moment.

He kept walking when he heard Roman give a snort from behind him obviously not believing him when he said he knew when he wasn't wanted. Virgil didn't really blame him, He kept Thomas up for all hours of the night when he wasn't wanted, well, to be honest, he was never wanted he was the fucking manifestation of Anxiety itself.

The others didn't know this but he took on most of Thomas's anxiety for himself along with the other's as well as his own. So he was basically always on the brink of a panic attack all the time. One wrong move could set him off and he had been lucky so far that he hadn't had one in front of the sides or Thomas yet.

He knew it was only a matter of time until that he did wind up having one in front of them letting them know about the attacks. He knew that when they found out about the attacks they would hate him even more for having such an obvious weakness but until then he would deal with them on his own and take comfort in the thought that they didn't know.

Walking into his room he only had enough time to close and lock the door before he couldn't hold it back any longer. Falling to his knees he crawled to the corner and pulled his knees up to his chest wrapping his arms around them.

His heart was racing and his chest hurt from him having a hard time breathing. His hands were numb and he started sweating up a storm. His room was spinning and his vision was fading and going black around the corners. The room was going in and out of view.

Virgil was terrified, he could tell that this was going to be a long and bad one. He just hoped that the others wouldn't hear him if he started sobbing like he has done before in the past.

A small part of him wished that they would hear him and that hearing that he was sobbing and in distress came to check up on him but the bigger part of him knew that to just be a childish dream as even if they did ever hear him when he was in attack mode they wouldn't care, they never cared about him before so why would they care now. Virgil thought before the lack of air caused them to pass out, his sight going black eyes closing and body relaxing and his breath evening out since his body was no longer panicking.

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 _ **So what did you all think of the story so far I know that this chapter is short but I wanted to leave it off where I did for the start of the next chapter but tell me what you think, please? I looked up the symptoms of panic attacks even though I have had many myself cause it's always hard for me to remember what had happened whenever I have one.**_


	2. Chapter 2

Waking up Virgil's first thought was he was sore before he opened up his eyes and saw that he was in the corner. He was confused for all of a second before everything came rushing back too him and he groaned did he really pass out in the middle of a panic attack. Man, he hadn't done that since around a year after he had formed.

Well, he thought first things first was getting up off of the floor and grabbing something to eat since a glance at the clock showed that it was around six thirty in the evening That means that he had been passed out on the floor since around one. It also means that he had missed dinner and none of the others had come to check up on him, He didn't know why he was upset about that he knew that they didn't really care about him but he was.

Getting up they went to the kitchen in his room to get something small to eat. You see each side had a room true but what most people didn't realize was that their rooms were designed like Thomas's house, well the layout at least. When you walked into any of the sides room you were technically walking into another version of Thomas's home.

There was a common room that the traits went too to hang out and what, not the only reason he even left his room at all was that Patton always wanted him to spend more time with him and the others. That was why he had been in the commons kitchen today it was time for lunch and he had been forced to come out of his room to have 'Family time' well some family he had.

Shaking his head he dispelled those thoughts and grabbed some pizza rolls he preferred Pizza bursts to these but they had stopped making them a few years ago. He grabbed a little over half a plate and put it in the microwave for three minutes like he normally does and went to grab a drink.

They looked in His fridge and saw that he still had some left 'awesome' he thought grabbing his favorite soda and closing the fridge. When the microwave beeped he felt his Pizza rolls to see if they had got done and seeing that they all did he put the plate on the counter before closing the door to the Microwave.

Grabbing his plate he walked into the living room and sat on his cough after deciding to watch some Doctor Who. He couldn't wait to see the new episode that was airing in half an hour.

That was awesome Virgil thought when the episode was over looking at the time he saw that it was around eight, He sighed because he knew that he wasn't going to be able to get any sleep tonight unless he fell asleep in the wee hours of the morning.

Going to his room get grabbed his laptop and took it with him to the living room to listen to some music while reading like he normally did.

He just hoped that tomorrow went better than today did.

 _The Next Day_

Nope, today was awful He didn't even know where to start. He guessed that the beginning was a good place to start.

 _Flashback_

 _It had started out as a good day and after the shitty day they had, had yesterday they welcomed it with open arms. He had somehow managed to get around two hours of sleep instead of the one that they had thought and he had a bowl of fruity pebbles._

 _After that, he sat around for an hour just watching some tv nothing specific really. But he should have known that things were going too well for him, Things almost never went well for him and when they did something all ways had to happen to bring his happiness right back down again._

 _So when they were summoned by Thomas they went in confusion since Thomas never called for him and the only times he did were for a video and Virgil didn't think that they were recording a video today but you never know._

 _He wished that he had just Ignored the call from Thomas._

 _He got there and was in his usual spot at the bottom of Thomas's stairs when he saw that the other sides were there too and that there was no camera so he was just wondering why he was there and what they wanted from him._

 _And then Roman started speaking "Anxiety where were you yesterday?" Virgil was confused he was in his room. "I was in my room, why? did something happen?" Virgil was hoping that nothing had happened to Thomas cause he was passed out in a corner in his room._

 _Logan rolled his eyes "No, Anxiety Patton just wanted to know where you were and didn't want to bother you so we had Thomas call you."_

 _Virgil looked at Patton in surprise and no little bit of confusion, not that he let that show on his face of course._

 _Patton blushed a little "I wanted to know if you had anything to eat since you didn't eat lunch that I know of thanks to what happened" Virgil sighed "Yes, Patton I eat Dinner." But before he could even finish what he was about to say he was interrupted by Roman._

 _"See Patton Logan and I both told you that he was okay. I don't get how you can even like him though he's just a disorder." Virgil had to hold back his reaction to that, that was the second time Roman had called him that and it hurt that Roman thought of him as nothing more than a disorder._

 _It hurt, even more, when he saw Logan nodding in agreement and Patton just look away not even trying to deny it. Thomas had left the room after he had arrived probably to give them some space to talk._

 _Virgil acted as if this didn't hurt him when in reality he had just died a little on the inside at the thought that they all only thought of him as a fucking Disorder._

 _So rolling his eyes he ducked back into his room and immediately ran to his bathroom to grab his razor._

 _Flashback end_

And that was what lead him to where he was now. Starring at the blade in his hand wondering if he was going to go back on his promise to himself and cut again, knowing that if he started he wouldn't be able to stop while sitting on the bathroom floor.

Honestly, he didn't even care about that right now so he pulled the sleeves of his hoodie up reviling the scars on his arm's for the whole world to see and brought the razor to his arm and cut.

Hissing at the pain he smiled before he cut that arm two more times, each time realizing some tension he didn't even notice he had before he moved on to the other arm switching hands he cut his other arm three times, they were a little sloppy since he wasn't ambidextrous and wasn't using his dominant hand but they worked.

Letting the razor fall to the ground they just sat there relishing in being worry free for the moment but all too soon they had to get up and take care of the cuts if he didn't want to bleed out since he did cut a little deep.

Walking to his bathroom cabinet he had a moment of thought tanking the lord that he hadn't thrown away the gaze he had along with stuff that was to keep cuts from getting infected. Pulling the gaze out they sat on the toilet and expertly bandaged him arms having done this a thousand times before with no help.

Pulling down his sleeves he got up to clean the blood up since he had bled on the floor. After it was all cleaned up he went to get up to leave the bathroom when something shiny caught His attention in the corner of his eye, It was the razor that he had used he had better put that away.

Grabbing it he put it back in the bathroom cabinet before leaving the

bathroom wishing that he didn't feel the need to go back on his promise.

He had a feeling that the next few weeks were going to be tough.

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 ** _I hope you all like this chapter! I have high hopes that people wind up liking this story! Just like my other one that as of this moment has over 50 Reviews!_**


	3. Chapter 3

Virgil had been right to think that the next few weeks would be tough but at the time he had thought that he had no clue as to how hard these next few weeks would get or really be.

The others had started complaining about almost everything that he did and while it was mostly just Roman and Logan, Patton and Thomas did it sometimes too. And by sometimes he meant that half the time they were in the background nodding along to whatever Roman or Logan were saying and the other half they were the ones who were picking out all of Virgil's flaws as if he didn't know how messed up he was already.

This would happen basically every time he would leave his room for whatever reason, it had gotten so bad that he hardly left his room anymore, and if you were to tell him that he had hardly left his room before this anyway he would just tell you that at least that he had left his room sometimes and not just when they were filming another sanders side's video like he was now.

Virgil cut every day now the others were so bad and the thoughts he used to get were back.

Sitting on the floor of the bathroom in his room he watched the trial of red run down his arm from the fresh cuts he had just done. His arms were littered with cuts and scars both new and old

It was times like these that Virgil missed the old Deceit the most, he missed the person who would hold him when he felt the itch to cut again, he missed the friend that would help calm down from a panic or anxiety attack whenever the words from Roman got to him more than normal.

He even missed having to hold Deceit back from going after Roman when his attacks were over to stop him from trying to kill him.

Virgil missed having someone who cared about him, missed being cared about.

 _'If no one cares why are you still here'_

Virgil sighed as the dark thoughts swam around inside of his head.

 _'I don't know'_ And that was true no one cared so why was he still here?

' _You only make things worse_ ' and that was the truth so he agreed.

 _'I know'_

 _'You should just die'_

There was a pause before a broken whisper came from the young man on the bathroom Floor. "I know" a choked sounding sob came from them.

 _'Kill yourself, no one cares about you anyway'_

Throughout the entire time, these thoughts swam around his head his eyes grew duller and duller until his eyes looked as if all life had been drained of all life they were so dull.

Turning blank eyes on the bloody razer in his hands Virgil came to a decision "I will" He whispered out lode before he brought the razor to his wrist right above his veins the one place on his arms that he had never dared to cut before and he dragged the razor across his wrist as hard as he could, letting out a small gasp of pain but he was smiling when he did the other one.

Virgil let his arms fall to his sides and his eyes closed with a smile on his face. He was doing something right for once in his worthless life but a thought he had made him force his eyes open. He had never told the others his name, not even Deceit knew his name and the thought of him dying without the others knowing his name or without him leaving them a way to know what his name is hurt.

So taking a finger from his right hand he pushed it into his left hand's wrist and started to write on the wall beside him.

My name is Virgil, that was what he wrote. He had to keep dipping his finger in his blood to finish and he was slightly surprised that he had been able to finish it without messing the words up.

Letting his arms fall back to his side once again he let out a shaky sigh of relief, it would all be over soon the thought brought a smile to his face. The only thing he regretted was not being able to say goodbye to Deceit cause even if they were no longer friends Virgil stilled cared for the dark trait even after all he tried to do to hurt Thomas these days.

Eyes closing he decided it was time. Right before Virgil passed out from the blood loss he heard a scream and someone begging him to stay awake and to hold on and someone started to shake him before Virgil felt himself be picked up and the sent of lavender hit his nose and he smiled, turns out he could say goodbye to his old friend.

"Goodbye, I'm sorry." That was the last thing he said before the blackness telling him it was almost over him.


	4. Chapter 4

For the fast month, Deceit had been feeling uneasy like something was wrong. Now, this would be all fine and dandy if he could just figure out what was wrong. He knew he had felt like this before but for the life of him, he could not remember why or what had been wrong back then.

An hour later Deceits eyes opened wide as he shot up from where he was trying to sleep as he remembered when and why he had felt like this before.

It had been a few years ago when he had still been with the light sides, Deceit had been friends with Anxiety back then and he had been feeling the same back then as he was right now.

He had walked into Anxiety's room without knocking like normal when he had frozen from what he had seen, Anxiety had been sitting on the floor sobbing as he cut their arms up with a bloody razor. Deceit had wasted no time in rushing forward to his friend and ripping the bloody blade away from him and tossing it to the other side of the room before he got to work to patch up Anxiety's arms.

Deceit had made Anxiety promise to never do that again and to come to him when he felt the need to do so ever again, Anxiety had promised.

But if Deceit was feeling like this now after all this time then that could only mean, Deceit's eyes widened as they jumped out of their bed and got dressed faster than he had ever done before and was just about to leave his room and speed walk to Anxiety's, when whatever it was that was telling him something was wrong started to yell at him, telling him that he had to get to Anxiety NOW.

He ran out of his room and started to run to Anxiety's room as fast as he could not even stopping when after he had reached the light side of Thomas's mind he almost plowed over Patton, Roman, and Logan while in his rush to get to his old friend.

Deceit heard three sets of footsteps running after him and vaguely heard Roman yelling at him to stop but he didn't listen and just kept running he couldn't afford to stop right now he had to get to Anxiety right now.

He came to Anxiety's bedroom door and he didn't even bother to knock he just ran right in and ran to the closed bathroom door and started to pound on the door. Deceit had kept this up for a moment before deciding to just break the door down and he started to hit the door with his shoulder until he had broken the door off of its hinges.

He ignored the three people who were now in the doorway to the bedroom as he looked into the bathroom and he saw his old friend on the floor eyes closed with a small smile on his face.

He let out a horror-filled scream that had the three light sided traits watching from in the doorway jump and run towards him but before they could get any closer Deceit ran in the room to Anxiety while yelling his name.

Deceit had run to Anxiety and started to shake him begging him to stay with him, to stay awake to hold on as he picked him up. Right after Deceit had picked up Anxiety he heard him whisper "I'm sorry, Goodbye" And he let out a sob as Anxiety went limp in his arms.

They rushed out to the bedroom and put Anxiety on the bed not paying any attention to the three light sides starring at Anxiety in shock as he went around the room and grabbed everything that could be used to stop the blood and stitch up the wounds.

He got to work not letting the light sides close to see Anxiety, each time they got close he would look up, glare at them, and snarled telling them to get the fuck away and that haven't they done enough before he went back to work.

It was a long ten minutes until he backed away with a sigh of relief, He had done it he saved his friend and this time he wasn't leaving Anxiety's side for a long time.

Walking into the bathroom to get rid of the razor he froze as he saw the words on the wall tears coming to his eyes as he saw.

"My name is Virgil" Written in blood and he closed his eyes before going and grabbing the razor and leaving the room but not before glaring at the light sides that if anything else happened to Anxiety he would kill them light sides or no light sides.

He left the room after making sure that Anxiety would be safe to get rid of the razor. He closed his eyes as he throws the Razor into the forgotten.


End file.
